Monday, February 9, 2015

Reflections just hours prior to finding out your gender

In approximately 5 hours, your father and I will be told if you are a boy or a girl.

I can't help but find myself so nervous to know the news.  Not because I want or don't want you to be one or the other, but because our lives are about to change forever.  My role as mother will be defined by the words we hear later this afternoon.

For weeks I have been feeling you move inside of me.  You kick when I sip some coffee, eat a cookie, or finish dinner and then go relax on the couch.  I first felt you on New Years Eve while driving home.  I guess you wanted to make sure that I didn't make it all the way through 2014 without physically feeling you inside of me.

Your father first felt you the other night, 2/3, on one of the evenings that I was relaxing on the couch.  I felt such relief when he felt it too.  I had been placing his hand on my belly for weeks and the three of us finally succeeded in timing everything just right.  I knew he felt it before he admitted it.  His eyes wrinkled up in the genuine smile he gives when something brings him instant joy that he can't even try to hide it.  He looked at me and nodded.

I imagine he will flash the exact same smile this afternoon.  Once we see you for the first time since our 8 week ultrasound.  Once we hear your heartbeat again.  (It was 152 at the last Dr's appointment)  And of course, once the sonographer announces what you are.

What you are will become who you are and who God plans for you to become.  It is an exciting adventure to be called to assist you on that path.  To help form your conscience, to teach you to talk and listen to God.  He will put paths before you in life and through much prayer, you can determine which ones He wills for you.  You will make mistakes and sometimes choose wrong over right, but it is your father's and my responsibility to show you God's forgiveness and how to try again through His mercy.  We are prepared to do whatever it takes to lead your soul to heaven.  What an awesome responsibility asked of us.

There are only a few hours that remain that separate what I've always known and what is to come for the rest of our lives.  Whether you are a boy or a girl, we will love you unconditionally and spend the rest of our lives working for the good of you and your soul.  See you in a few hours, sweet baby of ours.